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Oh, Canada
So, Monday, Jared, his roommate Jack, and I took a little road trip to Carleton Place, Ontario, Canada.
The Why
One of the (many) things that brought Jared and I together was our love of bad movies. It's hard to explain, but there is just something truly entertaining about a movie that fails on so many levels. Maybe it's cruel, but we love to watch these failures and laugh at the absurdity of their badness. Then again, maybe not. We just have fun.
A few months ago, however, Jack (who works for a Syracuse news station) brought home a DVD that a coworker had loaned to him, a collection of really bad movies- the coworker specifically mentioned that he had to watch The Bonesetter, a "piece of shit Canadian horror movie filmed on a hand held camcorder." Which is exactly what it was. And it was gloriously bad. The Bonesetter (a movie that never once shows or speaks about bonesetting, other than to mention that the man used to be a bonesetter) was written, produced, and directed by, AND STARRED a man whose name now lives in infamy (in our hearts): Brett Kelly. Over the next few weeks and months we watched virtually everything that man had ever made, because, yes, there was more! And each one was excruciatingly and gloriously BAD.
We became fans of an unreleased Brett Kelly movie on facebook, and one day received an invite to its premier in Carleton Place, ON. And we thought, "why the hell not? Let's go see this asshole for himself, and shake the man's hand."
The Awesome
It was a little confusing as to why we were really going. I mean, we enjoyed hours and hours of our lives by watching these films and hating them. We could not get over the ridiculousness of it all- the one man show, the simple things left out like using lights, reusing the SAME SHOT OF THE MOON IN EVERY MOVIE. We hate and love these movies. So why did we go? I chalk it up to fate, calling us hence.
Customs thought we were just weird.
But, we got to Carleton Place after driving 3.5 hours north of Auburn, NY, and parked by the "cinema," as they say in Canada, and went inside to get our tickets, just in the HIGHLY UNLIKELY event that they sold out. But as it turned out, the cinema wasn't open- that didn't, however, stop the incredibly friendly owner, an older man in his sixties with a long white beard, from telling us all about the building (it was an old church), the history of the cinema, and of his friendship with Brett Kelly- all while he swept up the theater/theatre floors and prepared to open. Canadians! They're so friendly! In fact, it was about that time when things started to seem incredibly surreal.
We went around the corner to a little diner to get dinner before the main event, and after we placed our orders, who but The Man Himself walks in, with his wife (and producer and co star) and collaborative writer, and sits in the booth directly behind ours! We introduced ourselves (oh, did I mention we made shirts for this event? Jack's read "[American Flag] [heart]'s Brett Kelly" - Jared's read "I [heart] Brett Kelly" - mine was a little more subtle, a quote from The Bonesetter Returns, "I thought Jackman was his LAST name..." which, obviously, makes no sense unless you're a diehard fan.), and he loved our shirts, and the fact that we were Americans who had driven almost 4 hours to be there for the premier. They were really nice, in fact I felt a little bit bad for making fun of his movies for the past 4 months. But not that bad.
The surreality continued after dinner, when we interviewed The Man Himself (it's video taped!). It's hard to describe what it was that made it so odd- like we had stumbled into another world, or some glaring rift in the river of Fate, or, maybe, we are just jaded, stand-offish Americans who were profoundly shocked by the sincere friendliness of Canada. I mean, I'm a good judge of people when I speak with them, and in America it seems that no matter how friendly you are, you're kind of forcing it, wondering about the other person's motives, really trying to be nice. In Canada, or at least in Carleton Place, it's genuine. I felt like I was talking to people I'd known and loved for years.
We headed inside, bought some pins for the main event, the premier of Avenging Force: SCARAB, and settled down (in the front of course!) for the movie. We also got to watch a bonus short called She-Rex. LOL. After the movies (which were of course up to par with his last ten movies), we hung around a bit, got some autographs on both posters and our shirts, had our pictures taken with him (on HIS camera, no less- the dude loved us), and almost went to the after party... but we decided we had probably come off as weird enough (unless that was just what an American would think...), and besides, we had almost a 4 hour drive ahead of us, through the dark wilderness of Ontario.
And so we returned home, changed. It's really hard to explain what was so surreal about it. I'm not sure we understand it, even. Yes, there was the Candadianess of it. But there was something else. Jared and I talked about it, and we wondered- what strange forces in the universe brought us together WITH Brett Kelly? What attracted us into HIS life? What affect will that day have on all of our lives? It felt big, life-changing even- even though nothing happened but a road trip north and a few hand shakes. I don't know, maybe it just opened the door to more opportunities for adventure.
Anyway, I have decided that I want to find more reasons to go on day trips and short road trips. The more absurd, the better. :D
The Why
One of the (many) things that brought Jared and I together was our love of bad movies. It's hard to explain, but there is just something truly entertaining about a movie that fails on so many levels. Maybe it's cruel, but we love to watch these failures and laugh at the absurdity of their badness. Then again, maybe not. We just have fun.
A few months ago, however, Jack (who works for a Syracuse news station) brought home a DVD that a coworker had loaned to him, a collection of really bad movies- the coworker specifically mentioned that he had to watch The Bonesetter, a "piece of shit Canadian horror movie filmed on a hand held camcorder." Which is exactly what it was. And it was gloriously bad. The Bonesetter (a movie that never once shows or speaks about bonesetting, other than to mention that the man used to be a bonesetter) was written, produced, and directed by, AND STARRED a man whose name now lives in infamy (in our hearts): Brett Kelly. Over the next few weeks and months we watched virtually everything that man had ever made, because, yes, there was more! And each one was excruciatingly and gloriously BAD.
We became fans of an unreleased Brett Kelly movie on facebook, and one day received an invite to its premier in Carleton Place, ON. And we thought, "why the hell not? Let's go see this asshole for himself, and shake the man's hand."
The Awesome
It was a little confusing as to why we were really going. I mean, we enjoyed hours and hours of our lives by watching these films and hating them. We could not get over the ridiculousness of it all- the one man show, the simple things left out like using lights, reusing the SAME SHOT OF THE MOON IN EVERY MOVIE. We hate and love these movies. So why did we go? I chalk it up to fate, calling us hence.
Customs thought we were just weird.
But, we got to Carleton Place after driving 3.5 hours north of Auburn, NY, and parked by the "cinema," as they say in Canada, and went inside to get our tickets, just in the HIGHLY UNLIKELY event that they sold out. But as it turned out, the cinema wasn't open- that didn't, however, stop the incredibly friendly owner, an older man in his sixties with a long white beard, from telling us all about the building (it was an old church), the history of the cinema, and of his friendship with Brett Kelly- all while he swept up the theater/theatre floors and prepared to open. Canadians! They're so friendly! In fact, it was about that time when things started to seem incredibly surreal.
We went around the corner to a little diner to get dinner before the main event, and after we placed our orders, who but The Man Himself walks in, with his wife (and producer and co star) and collaborative writer, and sits in the booth directly behind ours! We introduced ourselves (oh, did I mention we made shirts for this event? Jack's read "[American Flag] [heart]'s Brett Kelly" - Jared's read "I [heart] Brett Kelly" - mine was a little more subtle, a quote from The Bonesetter Returns, "I thought Jackman was his LAST name..." which, obviously, makes no sense unless you're a diehard fan.), and he loved our shirts, and the fact that we were Americans who had driven almost 4 hours to be there for the premier. They were really nice, in fact I felt a little bit bad for making fun of his movies for the past 4 months. But not that bad.
The surreality continued after dinner, when we interviewed The Man Himself (it's video taped!). It's hard to describe what it was that made it so odd- like we had stumbled into another world, or some glaring rift in the river of Fate, or, maybe, we are just jaded, stand-offish Americans who were profoundly shocked by the sincere friendliness of Canada. I mean, I'm a good judge of people when I speak with them, and in America it seems that no matter how friendly you are, you're kind of forcing it, wondering about the other person's motives, really trying to be nice. In Canada, or at least in Carleton Place, it's genuine. I felt like I was talking to people I'd known and loved for years.
We headed inside, bought some pins for the main event, the premier of Avenging Force: SCARAB, and settled down (in the front of course!) for the movie. We also got to watch a bonus short called She-Rex. LOL. After the movies (which were of course up to par with his last ten movies), we hung around a bit, got some autographs on both posters and our shirts, had our pictures taken with him (on HIS camera, no less- the dude loved us), and almost went to the after party... but we decided we had probably come off as weird enough (unless that was just what an American would think...), and besides, we had almost a 4 hour drive ahead of us, through the dark wilderness of Ontario.
And so we returned home, changed. It's really hard to explain what was so surreal about it. I'm not sure we understand it, even. Yes, there was the Candadianess of it. But there was something else. Jared and I talked about it, and we wondered- what strange forces in the universe brought us together WITH Brett Kelly? What attracted us into HIS life? What affect will that day have on all of our lives? It felt big, life-changing even- even though nothing happened but a road trip north and a few hand shakes. I don't know, maybe it just opened the door to more opportunities for adventure.
Anyway, I have decided that I want to find more reasons to go on day trips and short road trips. The more absurd, the better. :D