some keep pulling towards war, some keep pulling away. eventually, the earth will crack in two

and we'll all fall into the molten core.

youth exists to discover the adult you'll become, in part (and among other things). so is it wrong to make decisions now based on my future self, which as of yet is still an unidentified being?
now, more than ever, is when we need to be selfish. we need to decided what will benefit us, the individual, alone. i need to evolve, socially, politically, sexually, psychologically, career-ally, but first and foremost spiritually. and i need to decide if i can exist among those who have stunted their own spiritual growth.
(spiritual evolution does not mean finding god, jesus, a religion that fits you. it means finding out what you believe in, pertaining to existing)
i wonder if it's unfair to give up on another person, or if it's unfair to keep trying when they seem to unconsciously reject it all. or if it's unfair to myself to keep trying, and having the situation leech out of me every ounce of determination and passion i've ever had.
i can only wait and see, for now.