NaNo, Love, and Transformation
Nov. 11th, 2009 10:44 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lathrielI have given up on trying to reach 50k. That's not to say I won't, but I'm not stressing over it. I can't. I was, and it was hurting me even more. If need be, I will be the example that it is okay to fail at NaNo, and I shall fail gracefully.
Some reasons behind my decision: I was not excited about the novel I'd chosen to write, and excitement, above all else, at least at the outset, is essential to ploughing through a first draft. It's all one has sometimes to make up for a lack of characters and plot. So, I've scrapped the novel, and I'm doing something experimental, which I'll discuss in a moment. Also, due to illness, stress related to finances, and my unavailable weekends (from now until Spring :) and now the addition of an editing assignment that was supposed to be done by now, but due to some bitchy underhandedness I was unable to contribute to a group project and now have to do it alone- this on top of all the other final assignments for the semester, it would be irresponsible of me and unkind of me to push myself to finish a novel, too. Not to mention, while all this is going on I feel terrible about not getting to write TPaL, and I'm afraid I'm becoming too distant from its essence. Tonight I'm going to write a few chapters in that, and then work on the new NaNo novel.
The New NaNo Novel: As you may have noticed recently, I have found my soul mate and I am madly in love. When I say soul mate, I'm not using the term lightly- there have been so many strange signs and experiences, and dreams that we've had, and sheer, undeniable intuition... I have no doubt that Jared and I have spent many lives together. So, being all twitterpated and having such a clear knowledge of some of these past lives in my brain, I'm going to write them out. It's all based on the second time we met, we were lying down, cuddling, and he looked at me and asked with all sincerety: "Where do I know you from?" I had a dream later that week that he asked me that, and I told him the story of one of our lives together. It's coming out fairly experimental- there's no over-arching plot so far, just a series of anecdotes with poetry sprinkled here and there, and it's written in first/second person with alternating narrators, signified by font change.
I'm not so much excited about this new idea as I am forcefully drawn to it. I don't know if i'll reach 50k, but that's fine. I just want to finish it in time for Jared's birthday (December 27th). It'll be the first writing gift I've ever given, but more importantly, been inspired to give.
In other news, TPaL will be published as a serial in Buffalo Tales Magazine for the next year! I signed the contract and got the check, and I almost cried. $150 dollars. I know that's really not much per issue, but it doesn't matter- I told her I'd let her publish it for free. Besides, money issues have abounded lately. All that aside, a three figure check and an official contract does so much to make a person feel like a bona fide writer, as in one whose career is in writing. I've needed a boost lately to get me back on my feet of positive thinking, and this helps. I also need to actually write every day.
Leto seems to be doing better. We found a hair ball yesterday, I'm hoping it was his and that he was just trying to get that up all this time (he's such a little guy I wouldn't be surprised if he had a hard time with it). So, all in all, things are looking up! Plus, I get to see Jared again Friday night - Sunday night, and next weekend he has Friday off, so I'll be going out there Thursday night for a 3 day weekend, and the week after that is thanksgiving, so we get 4 days together! Woo hoo!
I was feeling like such a lame-o recently for being so whiny about missing him (in my head) during the week, but I finally realized why it's okay: in life, when you grow and expand and improve, it hurts to be cut off from those things that you've become. I was happy single, in the perspective I was living... but now I have so much more, a mind-blowing gift that, until I received it, I had no idea was absolutely and already an essential part of who I am. I can't go back- you can never go back. So, yeah, it sucks that we're so far away, but that's okay, too. It's okay that we miss each other like crazy, because no matter how much we miss each other the love that we're experiencing is so much more powerful that we can't even be unhappy about it. Besides, it could be much worse- I'm so grateful that we at least have every weekend together.
Okay, I'm done for today. Maybe gonna nap before class while my laundry finishes up.
Some reasons behind my decision: I was not excited about the novel I'd chosen to write, and excitement, above all else, at least at the outset, is essential to ploughing through a first draft. It's all one has sometimes to make up for a lack of characters and plot. So, I've scrapped the novel, and I'm doing something experimental, which I'll discuss in a moment. Also, due to illness, stress related to finances, and my unavailable weekends (from now until Spring :) and now the addition of an editing assignment that was supposed to be done by now, but due to some bitchy underhandedness I was unable to contribute to a group project and now have to do it alone- this on top of all the other final assignments for the semester, it would be irresponsible of me and unkind of me to push myself to finish a novel, too. Not to mention, while all this is going on I feel terrible about not getting to write TPaL, and I'm afraid I'm becoming too distant from its essence. Tonight I'm going to write a few chapters in that, and then work on the new NaNo novel.
The New NaNo Novel: As you may have noticed recently, I have found my soul mate and I am madly in love. When I say soul mate, I'm not using the term lightly- there have been so many strange signs and experiences, and dreams that we've had, and sheer, undeniable intuition... I have no doubt that Jared and I have spent many lives together. So, being all twitterpated and having such a clear knowledge of some of these past lives in my brain, I'm going to write them out. It's all based on the second time we met, we were lying down, cuddling, and he looked at me and asked with all sincerety: "Where do I know you from?" I had a dream later that week that he asked me that, and I told him the story of one of our lives together. It's coming out fairly experimental- there's no over-arching plot so far, just a series of anecdotes with poetry sprinkled here and there, and it's written in first/second person with alternating narrators, signified by font change.
I'm not so much excited about this new idea as I am forcefully drawn to it. I don't know if i'll reach 50k, but that's fine. I just want to finish it in time for Jared's birthday (December 27th). It'll be the first writing gift I've ever given, but more importantly, been inspired to give.
In other news, TPaL will be published as a serial in Buffalo Tales Magazine for the next year! I signed the contract and got the check, and I almost cried. $150 dollars. I know that's really not much per issue, but it doesn't matter- I told her I'd let her publish it for free. Besides, money issues have abounded lately. All that aside, a three figure check and an official contract does so much to make a person feel like a bona fide writer, as in one whose career is in writing. I've needed a boost lately to get me back on my feet of positive thinking, and this helps. I also need to actually write every day.
Leto seems to be doing better. We found a hair ball yesterday, I'm hoping it was his and that he was just trying to get that up all this time (he's such a little guy I wouldn't be surprised if he had a hard time with it). So, all in all, things are looking up! Plus, I get to see Jared again Friday night - Sunday night, and next weekend he has Friday off, so I'll be going out there Thursday night for a 3 day weekend, and the week after that is thanksgiving, so we get 4 days together! Woo hoo!
I was feeling like such a lame-o recently for being so whiny about missing him (in my head) during the week, but I finally realized why it's okay: in life, when you grow and expand and improve, it hurts to be cut off from those things that you've become. I was happy single, in the perspective I was living... but now I have so much more, a mind-blowing gift that, until I received it, I had no idea was absolutely and already an essential part of who I am. I can't go back- you can never go back. So, yeah, it sucks that we're so far away, but that's okay, too. It's okay that we miss each other like crazy, because no matter how much we miss each other the love that we're experiencing is so much more powerful that we can't even be unhappy about it. Besides, it could be much worse- I'm so grateful that we at least have every weekend together.
Okay, I'm done for today. Maybe gonna nap before class while my laundry finishes up.
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no subject
Date: 2009-11-11 04:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-11-11 05:03 pm (UTC)Right before Jenn and I got together, I wrote a novel of all our past lives together, and gave it to her as a gift...I think it's what cemented us being together, the cabosh that spoke of all the truths we'd been speaking of, but written. For whatever reason, when written, things are so much more powerful and apparent. I am so, so happy that you're working on this project, that it fuels you and fulfills you and makes every last diamond point of sense...it's true love. Do you think this happens every day? ;D *LOVE*
*HUGE hugs* Happiness, love, beauty in life by all aspects...you are so intensely blessed, Maddie. And you deserve every last bit of it. <3333333
no subject
Date: 2009-11-11 06:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-11-11 06:12 pm (UTC)I believe in your writing with all my heart.
*SQUEEEE!*
Date: 2009-11-13 02:18 am (UTC)