lathriel: (magdalene)
(First, GHOST CITY is now available in print on! Don't forget that if you buy the print version on Amazon you can also get the Kindle version for free thanks to their matchbook program! Now back to the post...)

I've never been a hater or a lover of Valentine's Day. When I'm in a relationship, it's a nice reason to do something extra special. It's also a...reason, I guess, to be bummed out if we *don't* do something extra special. And when I'm single...well, it's just a day when you know better than to ask your non-single friends if they want to plan to do anything.

The actual origins of the day are kind of murky. I've heard a lot of different stories (apparently there are MULTIPLE St. Valentines), so I've decided to scrap them all and just go with what it's about now: love. And since there's a lot of Valentine's Day cards being given out by and to kids in elementary school classes who hardly know each other, I'm going to say it's about all kinds of love, not just romantic. And there are definitely people (and critters) in my life that I love.

So I've been trying to figure out what to do on Valentine's Day this year so that I don't accidentally end up moping around the house feeling sorry for myself, or eating all of my feelings (I make really good double dark chocolate brownies, I'm just sayin'), or watching endless streaming Netflix while eating so that I don't actually feel anything at all.

And then it came to me: witchcraft. Duh.

Not to find love. Not to create more love. Not to heal old wounds. Just an evening filled with magic, honoring and celebrating the many forms of love already in my life. I'm not sure on all the details yet, but there will be witchcraft. There will be roses. There might still be double dark chocolate brownies (c'mon!). And I have the perfect little pink votive candle with a picture of Mary on it from Sarah and Jenn to use in ritual.

I am a Taurus. I recently heard an alchemical description of the Earth signs of the Zodiac as a tree: Virgo are the branches, Capricorn are the trunk, and Taurus are the roots. This makes sense to me. I've learned in the past decade that I am all about foundations, be it in forming relationships, making decisions, preparing for new experiences. If I have a solid foundation, I feel perfectly safe and excited to jump in and be spontaneous--if that makes sense. Like, if I'm traveling, as long as I have a foundation, a sense of where I'll be and what's there, and how much money I have to spend, I feel no need to plan things out or worry about a damn thing.

So I think I'll take this Valentine's Day to build a foundation for love in my life, so that I can love others better, experience love more easily, and even allow myself to be loved a little more easily than I have been.

Have a great Monday :)

"I Am"

Feb. 23rd, 2013 10:44 pm
lathriel: (zelba)

This is the kind of movie that makes you want to hold viewing parties. Everyone needs to watch this. <333


Sep. 17th, 2010 03:18 pm
lathriel: (Default)

lathriel: (Default)
Punam Bean (our wedding photographer) has posted a sneak peek of our engagement session photos on her blog!

This is awesome because a) people can see our pretty pictures, and b) she LINKED TO MY WEB SERIAL.

I've already had 25 unique views since she posted it!

She's, like, an amazing NYC photographer with a following. Maybe... she knows... an agent or two? ;D

I can dream!
lathriel: (violin)
Ah yes, a quarter of a century has passed since I burst forth from my mother's womb amidst a parade of Crowley-esque auspices (17th, at 7pm, 7lbs, eehhh?). The world's heart skipped a beat that day- in terror or in love, I cannot say.


This time last year I was wandering about London town, eating Chinese food and purchasing the last of my souvenirs. Amazing where you can find yourself in a year! I might not be in the UK, but I think I'm in an even better place right now: graduated from college, working, writing, madly in love with my soul mate, and planning our wedding (!!!). Really, planning our lives too. And it's funny: I've dreamed and imagined for as long as I can remember about getting published and making it big. And if that had happened before this past September, I would have never met Jared. Or at least, my chances would have been a lot slimmer.

Meanwhile, here I am actually kind of "settling down" (AH!) in a way, and thinking about the future, and.... yeah, publishing is in it... but it's not all that's there. I feel like, with Jared around now (and FOREVER mwahaha), the rest of my life story has fleshed itself out a little bit. Like, before the love interest was introduced, my outline was flat, two-dimensional, lacking real depth or development of character. Now it's real. And there's so much more I want to do this year and in the coming years. I want to learn French while Jared learns German, so we can travel to Europe with respect and not expect everyone to speak English. I want to buy land and a house, and build an animal rescue. I want to make bad horror movies that are well-written. I want to paint the interior of our house ridiculously bright colors. I want to learn to swing dance pretty damn well.

I think we might, even, possibly, someday, want to have a kid or two.


Anyway, I do want to get published still. But mostly, and more than that, I just want to write, regardless of who is reading it. And that's the truth.

Ok, well, I am still at work so I'd better get back to that. Happy birthday to me! I am enjoying being older and wiser than I was yesterday :D
lathriel: (Ana and Trebor)
On Friday, March 19, Jared and I will celebrate the 6 month anniversary of our "match." It's funny, this meeting-online thing- when do we celebrate an anniversary? On September 19th, the day we were matched, and the day that came to me the year before in a vision? On October 3rd, when we officially met, and knew we were in love but didn't dare admit it? On the 10th, when we shared our first kiss? On the 11th, when we became "official?" Or on the 16th, when we said "I love you"? Or maybe on the 25th, when we decided to get married? We've settled on the 19th simply because of the import of my vision, but maybe we should just celebrate them all :)

It's amazing to think that we've only been together for six months (4 of those months we've been planning our wedding). We are soul mates. It is difficult to imagine the lives we lived before meeting. It's hard to understand that we haven't known each other since birth. There may be details we don't know about each other, but we know each other's heart, inside and out.

It's strange, still, no matter how right and good it feels, to think about all that's happened. Finding your soul mate. Planning a wedding. Moving in. Our lives are entwined now, and I've never had that before. I've had long term committed relationships, but there was always a part of me that was separate from my partner. With Jared, it's different. I realized a long time ago that I love him more than anything else in the world. Maybe that makes me soft, or a hopeless romantic, or selfish, even. But it's true, and I can't change it. I may have a hundred dreams in my lifetime that I hope to achieve, and maybe I will, but Jared is my dream-come-true every waking moment, and I realize and relish that more and more each day. It's astounding how the Universe can deliver to you what you have forgotten you asked for, and what you didn't even know you would want.

So I'm making a nice dinner this Friday, and weather permitting we're going to go on a very long walk, just like the day we first met. But this time we'll be discussing paint-chips for our new apartment, and what we want on our wedding invitations. How strange a thing, this "time..."

Also, I think this is the first time I've ever used "loved" for my mood on LJ :)
lathriel: (masquerade)
Oh my! Is it already that time of year, when the New Year's LJ posts start rolling in? If the nasty, bitter cold and white-out weather we've had the past few days is any indicator, then yes, yes it is that time.

Last year I didn't state goals so much as themes I wanted to explore and emphasize in 2009. They were Love, Honesty, Expression, and Identity, confidence, and audacity. Did I successfully embody and explore those themes? I think I can safely say YES to that. I made new friends, I did new things, I have discovered who I really am and lived that person's life as she would live it, and I have found the love of my life. What a year! Travel, adventure, love, and, hey, finishing college after 6 god damn years. The year of the Maddie? Possibly. But what will we call next year?

Next year holds some interesting events! Namely: OMGWEDDING. Hee! That will, I'm sure, be one of the main events of 2010 in my life. But I'm going to be brave and, this year, set some personal goals for myself:

Obtain an income. I don't want to say "get a job" because that's not what I want. I want to get published, and whether or not that "realistic" (when have I really concerned myself with "reality"??) I don't care. I am looking for a job only for income between now and publication. It will happen, I know that- it has happened, already, in some metaphysical way that I just need to relax and allow to manifest- now is as good a time as any.

Write The Tower. I realized when I was half-way finished with the first draft of The Hierophant that I needed to write the sequel. I was so passionate about the sequel that I almost put the first draft aside! That would have been a mistake, of course- but I have had some difficulty getting that passion back. Granted, I've been so distracted lately by True Love and finishing school... I think, once things start to balance out and I can get grounded again, I'll get that passion back soon enough. It's going to be a tough book to write in some ways, it's very dark and emotional, but it's going to be a mind-blowing triumph when it's done.

Finish The Poppet and the Lune. Oh TPaL! How I've neglected you so! I should be writing you today, but, then again I should be writing essays for school, too... I love this story so much, and it is so unlike anything else I've written. I think it has a lot of potential for publication because of its originality. My only concern is, I have no idea what to pitch it as. YA? Childrens? Who knows.

Read more. I am ashamed to admit that I don't read much, at least not as much as a writer probably should. A few books a year, perhaps. I can't say it's entirely my own fault- I begin plenty of books, but never finish them because they don't hold my interest. And that's saying a lot- I finished Twilight, and it was terrible, but admittedly it holds your attention. I like to get sucked into a book though, the kind of devouring that makes you want to stay up all night to finish it, or skip class, or something like that. I try to write books like that. My other problem is that I try to read YA to see what other peeps in my genre are doing, and I get enraged because they're terrible, or just jealous because it's okay, there's no reason why they should be published and not me... which brings me to:

Allowing. I want to allow and appreciate the success of others, and myself. Jealousy, indignity, judgement, pride, comparison- these aren't thoughts or emotions that help me. I need to appreciate, not hate. I might write better, or I might not, it doesn't matter. I really need to feel that, though, because all of those emotions show that I don't believe the Universe is going to deliver- that I don't believe I can have, do, or be anything I want. I used the art of allowing to find Jared, in a way. I wasn't trying to find my soul mate, I just knew what I wanted when he did decide to show up, so I wrote it down and allowed it to come into my life. 2 months later I met the love of my life. Now, if I could be so easy about publication...

2010 is going to be the Year of Maddie! Again! Every year is really my year... it just took me 20 or so years to realize that ;D
lathriel: (globe)
I have given up on trying to reach 50k. That's not to say I won't, but I'm not stressing over it. I can't. I was, and it was hurting me even more. If need be, I will be the example that it is okay to fail at NaNo, and I shall fail gracefully.

Some reasons behind my decision: I was not excited about the novel I'd chosen to write, and excitement, above all else, at least at the outset, is essential to ploughing through a first draft. It's all one has sometimes to make up for a lack of characters and plot. So, I've scrapped the novel, and I'm doing something experimental, which I'll discuss in a moment. Also, due to illness, stress related to finances, and my unavailable weekends (from now until Spring :) and now the addition of an editing assignment that was supposed to be done by now, but due to some bitchy underhandedness I was unable to contribute to a group project and now have to do it alone- this on top of all the other final assignments for the semester, it would be irresponsible of me and unkind of me to push myself to finish a novel, too. Not to mention, while all this is going on I feel terrible about not getting to write TPaL, and I'm afraid I'm becoming too distant from its essence. Tonight I'm going to write a few chapters in that, and then work on the new NaNo novel.

The New NaNo Novel: As you may have noticed recently, I have found my soul mate and I am madly in love. When I say soul mate, I'm not using the term lightly- there have been so many strange signs and experiences, and dreams that we've had, and sheer, undeniable intuition... I have no doubt that Jared and I have spent many lives together. So, being all twitterpated and having such a clear knowledge of some of these past lives in my brain, I'm going to write them out. It's all based on the second time we met, we were lying down, cuddling, and he looked at me and asked with all sincerety: "Where do I know you from?" I had a dream later that week that he asked me that, and I told him the story of one of our lives together. It's coming out fairly experimental- there's no over-arching plot so far, just a series of anecdotes with poetry sprinkled here and there, and it's written in first/second person with alternating narrators, signified by font change.

I'm not so much excited about this new idea as I am forcefully drawn to it. I don't know if i'll reach 50k, but that's fine. I just want to finish it in time for Jared's birthday (December 27th). It'll be the first writing gift I've ever given, but more importantly, been inspired to give.

In other news, TPaL will be published as a serial in Buffalo Tales Magazine for the next year! I signed the contract and got the check, and I almost cried. $150 dollars. I know that's really not much per issue, but it doesn't matter- I told her I'd let her publish it for free. Besides, money issues have abounded lately. All that aside, a three figure check and an official contract does so much to make a person feel like a bona fide writer, as in one whose career is in writing. I've needed a boost lately to get me back on my feet of positive thinking, and this helps. I also need to actually write every day.

Leto seems to be doing better. We found a hair ball yesterday, I'm hoping it was his and that he was just trying to get that up all this time (he's such a little guy I wouldn't be surprised if he had a hard time with it). So, all in all, things are looking up! Plus, I get to see Jared again Friday night - Sunday night, and next weekend he has Friday off, so I'll be going out there Thursday night for a 3 day weekend, and the week after that is thanksgiving, so we get 4 days together! Woo hoo!

I was feeling like such a lame-o recently for being so whiny about missing him (in my head) during the week, but I finally realized why it's okay: in life, when you grow and expand and improve, it hurts to be cut off from those things that you've become. I was happy single, in the perspective I was living... but now I have so much more, a mind-blowing gift that, until I received it, I had no idea was absolutely and already an essential part of who I am. I can't go back- you can never go back. So, yeah, it sucks that we're so far away, but that's okay, too. It's okay that we miss each other like crazy, because no matter how much we miss each other the love that we're experiencing is so much more powerful that we can't even be unhappy about it. Besides, it could be much worse- I'm so grateful that we at least have every weekend together.

Okay, I'm done for today. Maybe gonna nap before class while my laundry finishes up.
lathriel: (Ana and Trebor)
A segmented post to spare those of you who are sick of my swooning.

Love! )

Life! )

And now, I think I shall nap...

Have a great weekend everyone!


Aug. 20th, 2009 01:00 am
lathriel: (Default)
Another late night entry, despite the fact that an hour ago (actually from 5pm on) I was exhausted, and now am suddenly awake.

I have been thinking a lot lately about Boys. You know, not just the gender, but the idea of them in my life. I haz none :p Not that that's a bad thing. I'm so busy with my writing that I hardly have time for anything else, and soon I'll be adding full time school and part time work to that schedule, plus belly dance on weekends if I have anything to say about it. But, the idea of boyfriends has come up repeatedly in psychic readings (apparently I have an admirer that I don't even know?! But he's not stalking me... hmm... confirmed by two separate mediums!), and thus in conversation, and (lo!) in my dreams. And yet... I have no great desire to be in a relationship right now. I'm feeling far too selfish and absorbed in my storytelling to make time for dates.

But, something occurred to me today. Last night I dreamed (among other strange things) about being set up to meet a guy, and because I liked him I intentionally avoided interacting with him. Symbolism much? Am I afraid of another relationship? No. But I've decided that I'm done with dating. The next person I do "date," I want to be The One.

It's Love that I'm slightly preoccupied with, I think. I write characters that have the most beautiful love for one another; I shamelessly adore books that have wonderful love stories at the heart. I am, by nature (believe it or not), a very loving person. I am fiercely loyal, and that is why it has been so difficult for me, in the past, to end relationships that I really knew were not going to succeed.

So, I want love. The type of intimate love that comes from a partner in crime/life. But I don't want a boyfriend. How do I reconcile this? I don't really know. I've been getting a lot of "love" lately (praise for my writing, mostly) and I am intensely grateful for it. I find myself, again and again, in amazement of the sincere friendships I share with certain people, and the wonderful relationships I have with my parents and, to a degree, my older brothers. But there is something different about a "lover's" love (besides the physical stuff :P).

I'm just babbling really (it's late and I've been known to get loopy at these hours). I suppose I'm hashing out what I want, sorting through the contrast to launch new desires. It's important to know what you want, and just now I figured it out: I don't want a boyfriend. I want a partner. And I think that's really what's been holding me back from meeting him: I've only ever had boyfriends and mutual infatuations, so how can I imagine the bliss of a perfect union?

Well, easily. I write about it, don't I?

Awesome practice #4: write out a scenario involving perfect love between yourself and your soulmate. At the very least, it will fill you will joy just to daydream about it :)

Ah, livejournal. I could have written that in a notebook, but announcing it to the world makes it all the more powerful.


lathriel: (Default)
Maddie Lion

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