Samsara

I'm working ten hour days all week to make up some hours from last weeks vacation. I was going to not do it on the grounds that they don't pay overtime at work, but then they decided, just for this week, they are doing overtime. So. I have to work open to close. Every day. And that's why I've only got time for this quick update, and haven't been commenting lately.

Also keeping me from communication is the fact that we've been looking to buy a house. And Tuesday we looked at three... and put a bid on a little yellow house in South Buffalo that we immediately fell head-over-heels in love with. And Wednesday we went back to look it over with my parents, who also loved it, and while we were there our realtor got a phone call-- our FIRST BID was ACCEPTED, at almost 6,000 less than the asking price. SO WE'RE BUYING A HOUSE YOU GUYS. All today at work I was emailing back and forth with the realtor, the mortgage guy, the attorney we're trying to get ahold of, and playing phone tag with the house inspector. We've got 7 days to get it inspected, but it's a holiday weekend and we're going to be gone camping- I get back Monday (Jared's got the whole week off) and Tuesday night after work I'm meeting the inspector at the house. Wednesday I'm taking a long lunch to meet with the mortgage guy (what's his title? no one's told me!). HOPEFULLY the attorney will get back to me tomorrow morning, and everything will go smoothly, and we'll be moving in at the end of AUGUST.

XD

Also, last weekend, as I'm sure you all know by now, NEW YORK STATE LEGALIZED GAY MARRIAGE OMG AND THERE WAS SO MUCH SQUEEING ON THE PHONE THAT PEOPLE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT WAS HAPPENING. And now, my bestest best friend in the world is getting married at the end of September, for legal-realz :} <3333

And one more thing: I'm meeting my half brother for the first time in 15 days.

Weird.

I LOVE YOU GUYS

Finally, A Salem/MASS Update!

( Waxing philosophical/metaphysical... )

( Actual Events )



Salem graveyard

[winky smiley]

( Long entry jam-packed with life-updatey goodness! )

And now, an extra picture outside of the 365 thing, just because I look so evil:



Heeeeee ;D

Hmmm. I have been slacking on the updates. I think I've been busy, or something, but I have very little to show for it if I have been. Oh, I remember, I existed within a cloud of rage for a week and a half, dealing with bullshit drama of other people's making in my life :P

It's all good though- every negative experience exists as a lesson, or at the very least an example of contrast so that I know what not to focus my energy on. Yay! (Speaking of the drama, I told the ex we shouldn't be friends. I didn't really expect a response [though I probably should have], but I got one... not sure if I'm going to reply yet.)

I've been having a lot of fun lately, despite the anger issue. Which is mostly gone. I had two nights in a row of really nice and sincere one-on-one conversations, first with Heather, then with Becky. Both at pubs, lol, but they were nice pubs. I went to London this weekend to check out the Portobello Road market with Heather and the girls (I reference Heather specifically because she lives in London on the weekends with her boyfriend Scott, so it was like we were visiting her). Since it was sunny out we headed to Battersea Park and drank wine all afternoon, playing frisbee, and occasionally petting a dog that wanted to sniff our food. When the sun went down we headed back to Scott's friend's apartment, watched some crappy English TV, and headed out to an awesome pub with my new flask in hand (It was the only thing I bought at the market, except for a bunch of huge grapes- seriously, HUGE). We were up/out till about 3 in the morning when we stumbled back to Scott's apartment. That was probably one of the most hedonistic days of my life. Good way to celebrate Spring? I think so.

I don't know, not much going on really... I'm having a lot of introspective moments, but they're all too nebulous to go into really. I love the UK. I miss people (and animals) back home, but I know when I come home I'm going to miss the people and places here, too, and when school starts in the Fall I'm going to hate it. Buffalo has great potential, and I didn't really think I'd ever want to get away from there, but having been away, lived away, even for a little while, I've come to realize just how important it IS to get away from home for a chunk of your life. I think I need to be away longer, to be honest... or just elsewhere. I think I've started something I won't easily be able to turn off. I need to spend more time out in the world, on my own little adventure. Or big adventure. I have a feeling I might end up in Buffalo, ultimately, but there is a long time between now and then.

I'm considering grad school again/still. There's a school in BC that looks decent, but I actually want to look at grad schools over here, too. In what? Well, in BC they have a Creative Studies program that would let me combine creative writing and video. But I might just go somewhere for creative writing. I don't know. The more I work in video, the more I like it, but when I'm away from it for even a little while I begin to wonder if I'm settling. Writing is my first love- my true love. I dream of a life where writing is my very first priority, because it is my career, my income, my art and religion, and my stories are my children. Maybe I'll have a husband, but he'd have to understand... ;) Think of all the time I'd have for research... there are a lot of stories I've let die because I couldn't confront the research necessary to make them happen :(

Anyway, grad school sounds like a good excuse to keep traveling too. Shameless? Yes. But hey, I'd get an MFA out of it, and credit for spending all my time being creative.

Oh, I forgot to add that I found out the quarantine for cats coming to the UK is only 3 weeks, plus you can visit them during the day. So, yeah. Now all I need to make my life perfect is for my friends and family to move to the UK with me...

So... there's some of the inner-workings of my mind lately. Aside from huge things like where I'll be living this time next year, the only other stuff on my mind (that I let stay there) is trying to get a job when I come home, and how best to dress for four days in Morocco at the beginning of April... plus I'm toying with the idea of seeing how hard it is to write and publish a romance novel... I'd like some more spending money ;D

Hmm. There's been a lot on my mind lately. First off, Scott and Carin had the baby on Saturday night: Aiden Michael Collins, 5lbs some ounces, 18 inches, 6 weeks premature- but all is well. That's mind-blowing in and of itself, even though I've known she was preggers since September.

Also, there's been drama on my mind in strange ways. I'm not personally offended, though I'm personally involved in it, but it has allowed me to clarify what I really want out of friendship. I've had a rocky time on that dynamic my whole life, in weird ways, just like now. I taught myself early to stop judging people so harshly or jumping to conclusions, or making drama where there is none, and I think that's why it pisses me off even more when people do those things to me. But I don't need to go around proving anything to anyone- as long as I know my intentions are good, all the neigh-sayers can fuck off (pardon my language).

Of course, they say the road to hell is paved with good intentions...

And I'm semi-blocked on The Tower. Little details are holding me back, plus a crazy schedule of family junk and cleaning and holiday stuff. Those are all pathetic excuses, I'm well aware. Tomorrow I will just have to make the god damn time and sit down and restart. Well, I'm keeping the prologue, but restarting chapter 1. Yes.

And, sometimes I get into these weird moods where I think my writing isn't worthwhile because it's just a lot of fantastical bull shit... I always hear people (especially in my family) discussing literature, and it makes me feel like I'm not a real writer or something. I feel commercial. Yeah, I wanna sell my books, but I'm not writing to please an audience... am I? I can't tell. I can't tell if I have any depth in my writing, or if when I say it's the next "Twilight" it really is...

Meh. Life is still awesome. I made a sweet gingerbread house Mt. Olympus with Sarah P. tonight, unofficially winning the contest I had with my family (though no one judged, so there was no real winner, just a lot of people saying they liked ours the best!). Laura and Tad (her kitteh) are moving in tomorrow, which means about a month of adventures await us ;D I played in the snow today for the first time in years! I made a snow angel :)

And I'm making a preemptive new year's resolution to re-discover the inner health nut in me. Does anyone else remember when I worked at Feel Rite and sugar was a curse word in my world? I literally did not eat sugar or sugar substitutes except on holidays and birthdays for years. I still refuse sugar substitutes, unless they're herbal. I used to be so freaking healthy... no wonder my doctor says I've gained 13 pounds since I had mono (though that's not fair, I mean I had mono when I was last weighed). Simple carbohydrates were no where in my diet... I was even a raw foodist for a summer. I used to drink those gross green drinks. I used to drink fresh vegetable juice every freaking day! What happened? I want to get that Maddie back.

Anyway.

It's been a very thoughtful few days.

Scott called me today! He apologized for ditching my party and explained his life is crazy because (and I've known this but haven't been allowed to talk about it) he's having a baby! :O

I suppose it's a congratulations sort of situation, though personally I'd be freaking out. They're very excited- she's 7 months along already. Oi. But they're happy- and that's what's important.

We're supposed to have lunch on Thursday, which is going to be interesting... I was thinking just the other day how my life has changed since this summer- people have both disappeared from and re-appered in my life depending on the way they match my frequencies, for lack of a better word. I'd thought Scott was gone because, let's face it, he hasn't been a stable guy for years. So maybe this means the baby is a good thing for him? Unless I'm getting unstable.

No.

I prefer to think he's meeting me. Not to toot my own horn, but whether or not I've gotten published or have a job, I consider myself right now to be the most prosperous and successful I've ever been. I have been happy, except for one day- a few hours, really- in October, since July. Not just happy, most of the time, but insanely grateful and ridiculously in love with life. Last night I actually fell asleep smiling because I'd laughed myself to sleep.

So, yeah. I've been pretty awesome these past few months. I hope that means he is now, too :)