Samsara

( Flight itinerary! )

It is really amazing how quickly this all came together for me. I know it's not like I didn't make it happen, but it was just so much... I don't know. I will never be able to forget the feeling in my stomach when I accidentally walked into that Study Abroad Fair, like I had a third hand actually reaching out from my solar plexus toward the UK.

I know that amazing things are going to happen while I'm abroad- it's just this ineffable, incredible knowledge in my bones- and I am so wonderfully grateful for this opportunity that it brings tears to my eyes sometimes- and if you know me, you know I'm not big on the whole crying thing. But it's really and truly just... literally awesome. :O (<-- awe face)

BTW I fully expect a welcome-home committee waiting for me at the airport ;p I'll be feeling needy, I'm sure!

( personality test )

I am going to make 25 either today or tomorrow morning. My new goal is not to hit 50k by the end of the month (because I'm fairly certain I will, no problem, by the end of week 2) but to finish the entire draft. I write long stories- not short; not novellas; long. Two of the three novels I've written, 50k would only be slightly more than a third of the way through. I don't see this one going quite that long, but still. If I can finish the draft by the end of the month, I will consider myself a winner this year for NaNoWriMo.

Now, before any of you get the classic November "I hate you, but not really" response going, just remember that I have been consciously working (very hard, might I add) at unblocking myself as an artist, specifically as a writer, for over four years now. I went through hell and back to get to the point I'm at now, where words are flowing fairly steadily, and with enough confidence to keep me from going back and deleting them all. And I still get stuck- I still doubt my ability. But I persevere, because I know that artists- writers especially- are absolutely insane, and have no grip on reality when it comes to their own work and how good it is.

So.

Every moment I find myself in the middle of spilling words onto a page, happily or not, I am more grateful than you can imagine to be caught in that flow. I am grateful for NaNoWriMo, for The Artist's Way, for Sacred Thursdays, and for every kind word you have all said about my work. And I think, really, that is the key- that is why I have been so happy these past 3+ months, and so able to confront my writing: because I am literally living a life of gratitude, and through that perspective, everything looks a little bit (or a lot) like magic.

Thanks. :)