Samsara

Hmm. There's been a lot on my mind lately. First off, Scott and Carin had the baby on Saturday night: Aiden Michael Collins, 5lbs some ounces, 18 inches, 6 weeks premature- but all is well. That's mind-blowing in and of itself, even though I've known she was preggers since September.

Also, there's been drama on my mind in strange ways. I'm not personally offended, though I'm personally involved in it, but it has allowed me to clarify what I really want out of friendship. I've had a rocky time on that dynamic my whole life, in weird ways, just like now. I taught myself early to stop judging people so harshly or jumping to conclusions, or making drama where there is none, and I think that's why it pisses me off even more when people do those things to me. But I don't need to go around proving anything to anyone- as long as I know my intentions are good, all the neigh-sayers can fuck off (pardon my language).

Of course, they say the road to hell is paved with good intentions...

And I'm semi-blocked on The Tower. Little details are holding me back, plus a crazy schedule of family junk and cleaning and holiday stuff. Those are all pathetic excuses, I'm well aware. Tomorrow I will just have to make the god damn time and sit down and restart. Well, I'm keeping the prologue, but restarting chapter 1. Yes.

And, sometimes I get into these weird moods where I think my writing isn't worthwhile because it's just a lot of fantastical bull shit... I always hear people (especially in my family) discussing literature, and it makes me feel like I'm not a real writer or something. I feel commercial. Yeah, I wanna sell my books, but I'm not writing to please an audience... am I? I can't tell. I can't tell if I have any depth in my writing, or if when I say it's the next "Twilight" it really is...

Meh. Life is still awesome. I made a sweet gingerbread house Mt. Olympus with Sarah P. tonight, unofficially winning the contest I had with my family (though no one judged, so there was no real winner, just a lot of people saying they liked ours the best!). Laura and Tad (her kitteh) are moving in tomorrow, which means about a month of adventures await us ;D I played in the snow today for the first time in years! I made a snow angel :)

And I'm making a preemptive new year's resolution to re-discover the inner health nut in me. Does anyone else remember when I worked at Feel Rite and sugar was a curse word in my world? I literally did not eat sugar or sugar substitutes except on holidays and birthdays for years. I still refuse sugar substitutes, unless they're herbal. I used to be so freaking healthy... no wonder my doctor says I've gained 13 pounds since I had mono (though that's not fair, I mean I had mono when I was last weighed). Simple carbohydrates were no where in my diet... I was even a raw foodist for a summer. I used to drink those gross green drinks. I used to drink fresh vegetable juice every freaking day! What happened? I want to get that Maddie back.

Anyway.

It's been a very thoughtful few days.

Hmmm. Where to begin about how amazing this holiday weekend was...

( Halloween! )

( NaNoWriMo Day 1 / Samhain / All Saints Day :P )


( Dia de los Muertos / Writing! )

There's too much crap to do this week, and not enough time to just sit down and write. But I'll get it all done.

I'm so close to finishing another novel. Well, a draft, but still.

XD