Samsara

Hmmm. I have been slacking on the updates. I think I've been busy, or something, but I have very little to show for it if I have been. Oh, I remember, I existed within a cloud of rage for a week and a half, dealing with bullshit drama of other people's making in my life :P

It's all good though- every negative experience exists as a lesson, or at the very least an example of contrast so that I know what not to focus my energy on. Yay! (Speaking of the drama, I told the ex we shouldn't be friends. I didn't really expect a response [though I probably should have], but I got one... not sure if I'm going to reply yet.)

I've been having a lot of fun lately, despite the anger issue. Which is mostly gone. I had two nights in a row of really nice and sincere one-on-one conversations, first with Heather, then with Becky. Both at pubs, lol, but they were nice pubs. I went to London this weekend to check out the Portobello Road market with Heather and the girls (I reference Heather specifically because she lives in London on the weekends with her boyfriend Scott, so it was like we were visiting her). Since it was sunny out we headed to Battersea Park and drank wine all afternoon, playing frisbee, and occasionally petting a dog that wanted to sniff our food. When the sun went down we headed back to Scott's friend's apartment, watched some crappy English TV, and headed out to an awesome pub with my new flask in hand (It was the only thing I bought at the market, except for a bunch of huge grapes- seriously, HUGE). We were up/out till about 3 in the morning when we stumbled back to Scott's apartment. That was probably one of the most hedonistic days of my life. Good way to celebrate Spring? I think so.

I don't know, not much going on really... I'm having a lot of introspective moments, but they're all too nebulous to go into really. I love the UK. I miss people (and animals) back home, but I know when I come home I'm going to miss the people and places here, too, and when school starts in the Fall I'm going to hate it. Buffalo has great potential, and I didn't really think I'd ever want to get away from there, but having been away, lived away, even for a little while, I've come to realize just how important it IS to get away from home for a chunk of your life. I think I need to be away longer, to be honest... or just elsewhere. I think I've started something I won't easily be able to turn off. I need to spend more time out in the world, on my own little adventure. Or big adventure. I have a feeling I might end up in Buffalo, ultimately, but there is a long time between now and then.

I'm considering grad school again/still. There's a school in BC that looks decent, but I actually want to look at grad schools over here, too. In what? Well, in BC they have a Creative Studies program that would let me combine creative writing and video. But I might just go somewhere for creative writing. I don't know. The more I work in video, the more I like it, but when I'm away from it for even a little while I begin to wonder if I'm settling. Writing is my first love- my true love. I dream of a life where writing is my very first priority, because it is my career, my income, my art and religion, and my stories are my children. Maybe I'll have a husband, but he'd have to understand... ;) Think of all the time I'd have for research... there are a lot of stories I've let die because I couldn't confront the research necessary to make them happen :(

Anyway, grad school sounds like a good excuse to keep traveling too. Shameless? Yes. But hey, I'd get an MFA out of it, and credit for spending all my time being creative.

Oh, I forgot to add that I found out the quarantine for cats coming to the UK is only 3 weeks, plus you can visit them during the day. So, yeah. Now all I need to make my life perfect is for my friends and family to move to the UK with me...

So... there's some of the inner-workings of my mind lately. Aside from huge things like where I'll be living this time next year, the only other stuff on my mind (that I let stay there) is trying to get a job when I come home, and how best to dress for four days in Morocco at the beginning of April... plus I'm toying with the idea of seeing how hard it is to write and publish a romance novel... I'd like some more spending money ;D

Wow, it's been a while since I posted... um, let's see... I've been to London six out of the past nine days; I saw a play there at the National Theatre last night called England People Very Nice, about immigration, it was good; there was this event called "Cowboys and Indians" at a club on Monday- I was a hybrid of country love and native america, lol, but so were the rest of my flatmates so it was all good... plus I got a guy's number...

BAHAHAHA that sounds so ridiculous coming from me.

But yes, it's true. And it gets better. He's from Texas (but voted for Obama!). In the air force. Studying aeroscience engineering at Oxford proper. Wants to be an astronaut. His favorite book is Dune. And he's writing a science fiction novel. I'm not sure how I feel about any of this of course, because I only talked to him for about 20 minutes, and we were both pretty drunk.

Most of that info I learned from text messages, cause, uh, we've been texting all day, each day, since he first texted me on Tuesday. LOL it's really very flattering, but also kind of awkward for me. I'm the serial monogamist, so I've never dated, and I have no idea what kind of weird mating rituals our generation (especially) has come up with, what with the advent of texting making the importance of the first phone call obsolete. All that I learned about dating in "He's just not that into you" is technically void because they didn't really take that into consideration.

Anyway. I just got another text. Heh.

So, I've been out every night since that night, to and from London twice, slept on floors and in strange beds (alone! don't go there ;p), and eaten way too much pub food and drank way too much beer, and I'm exhausted. But I've also made a handful of new friends from the Brockport program weekend, which is cool.

Tomorrow night is a Toga Party theme at the aforementioned club (Lava). I'm considering it. It's Super Heroes and Villains at another club on Thursday... I have no idea where to even begin making a costume for that without spending money- "tight and bright" was already a theme at Lava a few weeks ago, lol, not like any of that is in my wardrobe.

Ok. I'm tired. Good night.

I went for a walk today by myself, into the city center/centre to do some writing at a cafe. It was pleasant, even though there was some wet snow on the way there. I also stopped at a used bookstore to look for antique fairy tales for Sarah and Jenn, but all I found was real antiques that I couldn't afford :/

( Some pictures )

At the cafe, I read through Part I of The Poppet and the Lune, the first story arc entitled "A Heart Full of Stitches" (credited to glamourkin ). I am happy with it. I'm going to go through and divide it into smaller chapters, and I am considering doing a web serial. Why you might ask? Well, if I can build an audience it will look good when I finally go to query it. Also, it will force me to write. Also, ever since the conception of this story I had the idea that it should be published as a serial. I might do it as a web serial first, then try to get it into magazines. Who knows.

Does anyone know the deal with copyright and the different blogging sites? Do they own it? Does no one? I thought I'd read somewhere that blogging was as good as publishing... I don't know.

Anyway, I also stopped at a Chinese medicine place at the Westgate Shopping Centre because my bronchial area has been feeling not so great. They gave me some kind of powder to drink like tea... we'll see. I'm assuming this is mostly from the insane adrenaline before I left, and then the fast climate change, and then the sleeplessness and accidental starvation. The tea-ish stuff is actually not too bad. The stuff in my lungs is gross, though.

I actually meditated today, too! That was nice. It was more visualization and path-working than mind-clearing, though. A good time was had by all ;D I have so much free time on my hands here since I only have each class once a week, and can't work. I should probably be writing more, but I should also be seeing more of the city (even though it's really small). I'm working on finding a groove here... in the mean time spontaneity rules the day ;)

There is a lot I want to say right now. But I can't, because I'm short on time and my brain is just mush. The past 24 hours has been a collection of "lasts" even though I know I'm coming back. But I think the Taurus in me dislikes the sudden disconnection from all things familiar and stable. Yeah. Adventurous, ok, but it's this interim of waiting and preparing that sucks.

I'm really going to miss you guys ;-;

I'm really going to miss my cats ;.;

But this is going to be an amazing semester. And I'm sure by the time I'm getting ready to come home in a few months, I'm really going to miss England.

Time is weird.

Turns out there are two Clive Booth Halls, one en-suite and one not- and I'm in the not. That's okay though! So I have to share a bathroom with the rest of the flat. But, I get to say I'm living in a flat. In Oxford.

;D

I got my residence assignment for Oxford Brookes today! (Making the whole thing THAT MUCH MORE REAL XD) I'll be staying at Clive Booth Hall which is en-suite, meaning I get my own bathroom (!), and also self-catering, which is probably a good thing since I'm sure I would have gained a bunch of weight on a meal plan. Self-catering gives me the freedom to save money by skipping meals, too (which sounds bad, but given that I don't really eat 3 full meals a day anyway makes sense because mealplans are a rip off unless you eat 3 meals a day religiously). Yeah... I'll save that money and put it into my backpacking fund! :D Anyway, I'm sharing a suite with 5 other people (co-ed!)- we all get our own rooms and bathrooms, but we share a common area and kitchen. It's good- it will force me to meet people. Maybe even make a friend or two? Shocking.

Anyway... just wanted to update that.

Ps: I'm so grateful for this opportunity... ;-;

I got into the Study Abroad program!! Woohoo!!

Finally a letter that wasn't a rejection! :D