lathriel | Sometimes I dream in mono (Reply)

I had a dream last night that I was getting married. I don't remember much about it, only that I was completely uncertain as to whether or not I really wanted to spend the rest of my life with this person. In fact, I was pretty sure I didn't. But I'd said yes, the day had come, people were there, I was in my dress, flowers in hand... so how could I say no? But wouldn't it hurt us both more in the long run if I faked my way through the ceremony? If I got up to the altar and just smiled uncomfortably? I couldn't even imagine kissing him. I just did not love him. How did I even let myself get here? How stupid of me.

So, that seems like a pretty blatant metaphor. But I am really comfortable with my decision to not go to grad school. I don't really have any other looming questionable commitments... so what's the deal? Maybe to focus only on what I want, not what will make other people comfortable/happy? OK!

Feeling a little bit better/more in touch with myself, day by day...