Samsara

As Samhain approached, I mentally prepared myself for the increasingly cold weather and the fewer and fewer hours of sunlight. I said to myself "Maddie, you know what happens every year. You fight winter as if it is an enemy holding you back from your goals. It's not. Winter is your teacher, if you let it be. Embrace the dreamtime, and make it work for you."

So, I didn't really know how to do that. I just told myself I would, and let it go. I assumed it meant not expected much from myself, but that's not it at all.

This morning as I was writing in my morning pages, I really began to understand. Artists and their projects need several things to truly flourish: a deep, filled well of images and ideas to draw from (not quite inspiration, but similar); a solid foundation in themselves and their mind and heart; and faith. (There are definitely more things but these are what occurred to me today). Winter is the perfect time to gather and build these things.

This winter, in addition to not stressing, I have a lot of inner work to do. I have a lot of research to do, a lot of planning, a lot of thinking, if I am going to truly self publish The Poppet and the Lune. That alone could take up plenty of time and energy, but it's all very singular, very "alone" kind of work. I might share findings I am excited about, but just like writing, I'm in it alone in the end even with the gracious support of friends. Now that we are down to one car, I pick up Jared downtown at 4:30 every day. This means I might as well spend an hour or so at the Buffalo Central Library (once I pay that late fee) researching and reading, at least once or twice a week.

In addition to major goals, I have small goals to address as well. I want to begin taking weekly piano lessons (I've been looking for a while on craigslist), which will mean at least an hour a week for lessons (including travel), and practicing every day. This is something powerful for me- even as an amateur with a "good ear" I have a strong positive response to noodling on the piano or teaching myself new songs, no matter the difficulty. The medium our family is friends with once told me that playing piano was something spirit strongly encouraged me to do, to help foster ideas for writing. It's also something I've just wanted to do forever, and am finally in a financial position where I can afford to :)

There are other small goals as well. I want to begin learning French, and get into habits of exercise, and back to doing Bikram at least once a week. I want to make our home cozier, to build some new traditions for Jared and myself, to make the holidays special for us as our own family as well as with our greater family.

Sarah and I are figuring out the details of beginning our own meditation circle starting in January, every other Wednesday night, which is a medium sized project I suppose, but one I'm very excited for and that leads me into the next thing...

The dreamtime is a time for dreaming. A time to reconnect yourself with Yourself, your higher self, the one who is really pulling all the strings. Spiritually, I feel that I have been called more and more over this past year to truly focus on my spiritual life as a Pagan, to study more pantheons, to maintain a better altar, to really listen to the messages from the divine, and to do all these things within the unique context of what they mean to me (because I'm fairly certain my take on these activities are very different from a lot of pagans). (Also, as a side note, Jared and I had an amazing conversation yesterday about male spirituality and the Norse pantheon, and I'm excited about where it's all going for him!) In my life, one of my most constant and greatest goals has been to deepen the connection I have with the divine and with spirit. It is also something I tend to put aside because there is "so much on my plate." Not this winter.

As for creative acts, I know I can't not write. But I can be playful about it (and shouldn't it always be playful?). I can focus on outlines, very very rough drafts, short stories about the silly concepts Jared and I laugh about when we walk around our neighborhood together. I will be writing, and working on projects, but it will be lightly, with an easy and joyful attitude.

I am thrilled, and I am blessed, and I am looking forward to all that I will accomplish in the coming season, even if it can't be measured in word count.

I'm sure I've envisioned it all to be a lot easier than it really will be, but it's a start. I'm not going to make huge demands on myself. I will only demand that I not watch movies/netflix/hulu before a certain hour, and that I make my forms of entertainment as enriching as possible.

L'chaim!

I have been thinking a lot about this simple exercise lately that I wish someone had put before me several years ago, but that is infinitely invaluable to me now, so I want to share it with you, and ask you to post your responses in your own journals:

Q: Let's say you're unfathomably wealthy. Money is not an issue- you could spend off-handedly for the rest of your life and never keep track and never run out, and because of this you could be and do anything you wanted, anything at all, for the rest of your life. What would it be? Of course, you want things. Let's say you've gotten them all, and as you discover new things that make you happy you can keep buying them. But what else? How would you occupy yourself for the rest of your life? List the first nine things that come to mind if you can.

My answer:

-Of course, I would write. I would travel around the world and write as I go. And when I got sick of traveling, I'd come home and write some more, and I'd use my wealth to cover the cost of the carbon footprint from my traveling.

-I would invest in philanthropic ventures- arts scholarships; animal shelters; certain charities of the self-empowering variety; campaigns that promote education on and acceptance of other cultures, not just tolerance.

-I would make movies, just for the hell of it. Possibly a television show.

-I would buy up green space and declare it wildlife preserves.

-I would build entirely "green" temples to divinity; sacred spaces where one can go at any time they need or desire to.

-I would keep learning new skills, and refreshing old ones: dancing, instruments, languages, cooking

-I would sculpt. I love sculpture- plaster carving especially, and clay. I would probably produce a lot of art, but this one comes to mind most prominently.

-I would hike the Appalachian Trail, and all the cross-continental trails I can find.

-I would try at every opportunity to give something to the world, to bring joy, beauty, and love into it.

I could go on and on, but in reality these would all occupy a great deal of my time. But it's fun just to think about it, and to see clearly what it is you want to do with your life. There is no reason I can't do all of these things in this lifetime, even without an infinite cash reserve. :)