Samsara

And on the note of people worshipping stress, I had a realization Monday night: maybe if we all just acknowledged each other's efforts more often, from a positive perspective instead of sympathy, we wouldn't feel the need to dramatize our stress. If someone was constantly telling you how awesome you are for the things you do, or simply saying that they acknowledge and respect what you're doing, maybe you'd feel good about it, not stressed. Maybe you'd take the time to acknowledge others. Maybe we should all try to do this, just to see what happens?

That is not to say YOU specifically, or anyone, doesn't already take some time to tell people "I see what you're doin' thar, tis good." Let's just ramp it up a notch, eh? Validate people before they have the chance to start grumbling.

Anyway, onto my own "stress." Further along the experimentation lines, I'd like to talk about lists. How do you feel about lists? I think they're awesome, the best way of organizing ever, and to empty my brain of tasks so that I can focus one at a time. But some people find them oppressive- "oh shit I forgot about that, and that, and that..." But I think for my purposes I'm going to make a list now. In lieu of in-person external validation, I am going to write it out and validate myself.

So, here has been life since September:

1.) Meet my soul mate.
2.) Get engaged.
3.) Finish the semester.
4.) Graduate from college, and end the 6 year era of me being only pseudo-independent.
5.) Begin planning a wedding. The reception venue and the dress were the MOST stressful to find.
5.a.) Begin being a bridesmaid and substitute maid of honor for my friend whose MoH lives in Cali.
6.) Job hunt forever, doubt my value as a human, my ability as a writer, my capacity for independence, etc.
7.) Start new job working for the family business.
7.a) Start said business from scratch.
8.) Find a new apartment for Jared and I.
9.) Still planning that wedding!
10.) Move into the new apartment.
11.) Plan bridal shower for friend.
12.) Take over paying for all my own stuff, for the first time ever (I've had rent, phone, and some groceries covered during college... spoiled, I know, but I still have to face the adjustment)
13.) Take on a freelance editing assignment.
14.) Hello, wedding planning. What's that, everyone now has an opinion but I still have to do all the work?

And that's leaving out a lot of equally stressful small details.

Ahhh but you know what, despite the stress, it's really freaking awesome! *pats self on back* Besides, if I wasn't under gratuitous amounts of stress I wouldn't have had this opportunity for spiritual growth. And, by the way, I'm really enjoying experimenting with ideas about "stress." So yay for me! Soon this will all be over, and I'll be bored, haha. No, a writer is never bored. But you know what I mean.

Speaking of writing, The Hierophant is reinventing itself, tightening its universe and characters, making itself more fun and, well, rock 'n' roll. ;D Also, I'm definitely over the halfway point in The Poppet and the Lune, and I'm excited to begin the home stretch. Ooooh the ending is going to be so awesome! And I think once things settle down around here, I'm going to begin working on some sketches for illustrations. Yes! And maybe, one day, I will actually get around to that animation...

Well, happy Beltane Eve everyone! Have a wonderful May Day weekend!

Groundedness. I needs it.

I am impatient, and as such I tend to over-think and over-analyze situations while I'm waiting for them to resolve. I don't let things go easily, which is good in some ways because I don't let them fester. But I do need to learn to turn away from things, and focus my attention elsewhere, at will.

I have been very ungrounded lately, vacillating between acquiring experience and understanding, and applying what I already know (it seems so little, sometimes); between standing firm in who I am, and wondering who that person really is. I am lucky, however, to have a safe harbor to call home while I sail out to explore that. But I am stubborn, on top of impatient, and I do not often listen when my body and brain and spirit say Enough. You need to rest. Because, how can I?

I keep saying soon, soon to softly bait the ending of this period of stress, of over-productivity that almost succeeds in blinding one to the wonderful reasons for it. I keep looking to when it will be done. But I want to enjoy it now. Just because something is "stressful" doesn't mean we can't have fun with it. Right? I am working to start a business with my family; I'm moving into an apartment with Jared; I'm writing every day; I have a freelance project that's going to get me an easy $500. I should be having a lot more fun with the hectic-ness than I am. And there really is no excuse. There is only me, going into agreement with the rest of the Western World, that stress is bad, I should complain about it, but never lessen it because the more stress I have the more valuable I am and the more I can justify my existence.

Silly.

I am valuable inherently, and stress does not add to that value. In fact, it has a greater potential to diminish it. My existence is already justified by the fact that I exist. But, we all experience stress- we all face challenges, difficult tasks, and pains in our asses. How do we cope, without becoming one of the many "oh i am so stressed, so stressed, so stressed, it's all I can talk about"?

We do what we were put on this planet for: We have fun with it.

I am going to have fun with it. Even if no one else will. I will have fun. Stress is a good excuse to act a little bit crazier than normal. My first act of craziness has been to plan a kidnapping of my fiance memorial day weekend. My second act has been to throw out a lot of crap I don't need. And from now on, I will use every excuse I can find to be light-hearted. To make jokes. To make people smile. To make myself smile.

Cause, honestly, what good does it do to be miserable under stress?