god is in me or else not at all. -wallace stevens

you were a hip cat
maybe with osteoperosis
fucking golf hat and all that dirty denim
60" circumference
28" waist
but this is my final word

i was a drama queen with a degenerative disease
a decent dream or two
don't forget 14
it's not an excuse but a condemnation
pinned and needled to the sheets cause you can't hear
can't hear yourself enough to let my plea squeak through

maybe i should have tried a bit harder
lord knows we've all been tried for our crimes or lackthereof this lifetime
it's in the past now

and this is my final word
i don't hate you anymore than i can change you
and what i let you do
doesn't mean i like you
in fact i'd like to beat you to a bloody pulp
but what good
what good can come of that

racing hearts and stigmatic scars
it amounts to one thing:
the dust on your filthy denim from walking through the grave of your "stories" we'll call them
lies are too clichèd

i can forgive that.
after all, don't we all want desperately to be people that we can't be?
don't we all want substance?
not an abuse of it, just a thickening agent in the batter

this is my final word.
i don't hate you.
i don't forgive you.
and as much as i'm sure you'd love to have the attention
i feel badly for you.
but that's all i'm going to say
because it's not worth my time to waste a single thought more on the lecherous leeching spiritual leper who first taught me how to lay the brick and mortar around my soul





when we meet again, ill be laughing inside
at you, hon, not with you.
and i'll pause to shake my head.
"such a pitty" maybe. "it could have nearly been human."