It's that time of the year...
Sep. 9th, 2010 02:32 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lathrielI am so restless lately.
In addition to the fact that I feel alternately overwhelmed with lack of control and security, and totally confident in the fact that the Universe will provide, it's That Time of Year again. Restlessness runs in my veins. I have a million half-formed ideas, and no way of choosing one to flesh out. I'm looking forward to NaNo, and I'm terrified of being unable to get a job. Also, I'm "finishing" edits on TPaL, and that always makes me feel ungrounded and uncertain.
I've been having strange dreams lately that I hardly remember, after months of hardly any dreams at all; dreams about my newest cat, Lando, actually being a fish that I have to return to the sea; dreams about being trapped in a house by a sadistic robot mother, along with 12 other teenage people, knowing that the secret to our escape lies hidden somewhere in her name. I have been craving splurges of creativity, of renewal, of nostalgia, of pumpkin spice lattes and harvest festivals and spell casting and deep breaths of early fall winds. I want to immerse myself in the earth, soak up every last particle of cold dirt and crunchy leaves and weakening summer light.
I want to lay out on a blanket and watch the stars; watch a storm roll in; get soaked and covered in mud. I want to be chilled to the core, so that I can come home and slip into dry, warm clothes and drink hot tea. I want the power to go out, so we can tell each other ghost stories that aren't half as frightening as our real experiences.
I want to flow. To get into the flow. To let the flow possess me. Rampage. I'm going to do it, this weekend. Jared will be in Auburn, and my only commitments are short. I plan on walking a great deal, carry a notebook. I'll sing to myself, songs I've never heard. I'll get my feet wet. I'll look out to draw the world in. I'll look in to draw myself out.
I know what I want. I don't want stability. I want security. And I have it. Because right now I feel so powerful, even in my unfocused and rambling state, that I have no doubt of my ability to create every last facet of my future.
In addition to the fact that I feel alternately overwhelmed with lack of control and security, and totally confident in the fact that the Universe will provide, it's That Time of Year again. Restlessness runs in my veins. I have a million half-formed ideas, and no way of choosing one to flesh out. I'm looking forward to NaNo, and I'm terrified of being unable to get a job. Also, I'm "finishing" edits on TPaL, and that always makes me feel ungrounded and uncertain.
I've been having strange dreams lately that I hardly remember, after months of hardly any dreams at all; dreams about my newest cat, Lando, actually being a fish that I have to return to the sea; dreams about being trapped in a house by a sadistic robot mother, along with 12 other teenage people, knowing that the secret to our escape lies hidden somewhere in her name. I have been craving splurges of creativity, of renewal, of nostalgia, of pumpkin spice lattes and harvest festivals and spell casting and deep breaths of early fall winds. I want to immerse myself in the earth, soak up every last particle of cold dirt and crunchy leaves and weakening summer light.
I want to lay out on a blanket and watch the stars; watch a storm roll in; get soaked and covered in mud. I want to be chilled to the core, so that I can come home and slip into dry, warm clothes and drink hot tea. I want the power to go out, so we can tell each other ghost stories that aren't half as frightening as our real experiences.
I want to flow. To get into the flow. To let the flow possess me. Rampage. I'm going to do it, this weekend. Jared will be in Auburn, and my only commitments are short. I plan on walking a great deal, carry a notebook. I'll sing to myself, songs I've never heard. I'll get my feet wet. I'll look out to draw the world in. I'll look in to draw myself out.
I know what I want. I don't want stability. I want security. And I have it. Because right now I feel so powerful, even in my unfocused and rambling state, that I have no doubt of my ability to create every last facet of my future.
