lathriel | with knots that I've yet to unti-i-ie

I brought 2 of my cats to the vet today for their seasonal appointments. The vet's office is in Colden, so it's a fair distance and I get a lot of time to think. I was thinking, today, unfortunately, about my Books (capital B represents that I'm talking about The Books that I've been writing for over a decade). I know you're probably (not) wondering: 'unfortunately?' Well, you see, my inability to either stop thinking about My Books or think consistently about My Books is the reason it has taken me, yes, going on 12 years now, to even get this far, which is an unfinished time-line that goes through the beginning of book 3 (out of 7), about 5 character sketches, 2 un-usable drafts of book 4 (which was originally book 1), an un-usable draft of book 5 (whish was originally book 2), an un-usable draft of book 6 (originally 3), and maybe four chapters of the REAL Book 1 that I'll probably have to go back and throw out any way now because I was THINKING today.

le sigh.

I mean, I'm glad I've made all these changes, because where I'm at now is a far cry from the melodramatic unrealistic over-populated and overly-complicated manuscript I originally finished in 6th grade. I've still got too many characters and drama, but at least the concept is interesting now, and I have some kind of a point throughout most of the story, and my character archs (undulations really, since they have to have an arch in each book and an overall arch) are well developed and interesting (i think). But, like I was saying, every time I think about the book I change it, and usually for the better, and today I actually solved an issue that had been bothering me for a while and made headway on solving another problem... but it's just... when the hell am I actually going to be done? When will I be able to sit down and write and know where I'm going without fear of having to scrap yet another 150,000 words? 185,000 words?

Maybe I should just sit down and write, and if I want to change something, just deal with the work I'll have to do to change it. Maybe that's why I was vomiting hair in my dream. I need to get this shit out of me, and I have to stop worrying so much that I stagnate.

Yes. Indeed. Easy for me to say.

Still, I should finish editing my NaNo soonish, eh? Maybe if I get enough other projects going I won't feel so bothered by not finishing My Books.

Eh...

head... exploding...

...I'll get you Kevin Grumbles...!