Samsara

It's amazing that in the midst of my Feel-Good Marathon (going on three months now) I would abruptly realize that one sucky event from age 14 still has a significant hold over me. It's irritating, too, because I really thought I'd kicked that. Memories have a weird way of haunting you though, especially the ones from your youth, and especially the ones that... well... fucked you up for a few... several... seven years. But it keeps rearing it's ugly head at me, bein' all "Hey, yeah, I hope you didn't forget about me, cause I didn't forget about you!"

I had a dream the other night that didn't make sense, but today, having realized this, it fits together. People from your past become your personal archetypes in dreams, sometimes, but with this character it's really just a warning that That Issue is about to ask for my attention again.

Could I be more cryptic?

Anyway. I'm still in a fantastic mood, because I'm certain the issue has revived itself only because now is a good time to thoroughly confront it. It's not really something I'll ever be able to forget, so I might as well make my peace with it. Well, no, cause I have, it's just what it might mean about other people that I haven't made peace with. You know, fuck it. I have every right to be careful about who I trust. Maybe this isn't a problem after all? If this is my one over-cautious aspect of my life, I consider myself lucky.

Hmm. I wonder if that was it?