all those pretty years gone by

It's amazing that in the midst of my Feel-Good Marathon (going on three months now) I would abruptly realize that one sucky event from age 14 still has a significant hold over me. It's irritating, too, because I really thought I'd kicked that. Memories have a weird way of haunting you though, especially the ones from your youth, and especially the ones that... well... fucked you up for a few... several... seven years. But it keeps rearing it's ugly head at me, bein' all "Hey, yeah, I hope you didn't forget about me, cause I didn't forget about you!"

I had a dream the other night that didn't make sense, but today, having realized this, it fits together. People from your past become your personal archetypes in dreams, sometimes, but with this character it's really just a warning that That Issue is about to ask for my attention again.

Could I be more cryptic?

Anyway. I'm still in a fantastic mood, because I'm certain the issue has revived itself only because now is a good time to thoroughly confront it. It's not really something I'll ever be able to forget, so I might as well make my peace with it. Well, no, cause I have, it's just what it might mean about other people that I haven't made peace with. You know, fuck it. I have every right to be careful about who I trust. Maybe this isn't a problem after all? If this is my one over-cautious aspect of my life, I consider myself lucky.

Hmm. I wonder if that was it?

FAIL

So I got a rejection today from Marcia Amsterdam, and she sent back my original query which is not unusual. But, I noticed it was addressed to a different agent. (FAIL.) Which means that the other agent probably got her letter. (FAIL again.)

Sigh.

Oh well! There are still seven agents I haven't heard back from yet! And I have a membership to writersmarket.com! And, these are only agents for sci-fi; I will try young adult if these don't work, and there is still the option of going directly to publishers, too. Hmm. Maybe I'll just start doing a little of both?

Body art

So I've been thinking about getting another tattoo. I know for certain I will get a lotus tattoo (with five petals, or an abstract with five diamonds, like the "lotus mark" in my books), all that remains to be decided is the size and placement for that one. I will NOT get a tramp stamp, even though that does seem like the logical place for a tattoo of that shape. Besides, there's this other tattoo I want that might touch that area...

See, I imagine it like this: very delicate, thin, lines beginning at the small of my back, curving up to my right hip and sweeping up my ribs; it's a tree, maybe with blossoms, although cherry blossoms are so over-done (in my oppinion), so maybe with autumn leaves. But it's also a dragon at the S-curve, the snaky kind with no back legs. Maybe no wings. I can't seem to draw it correctly though, and it's hard to describe to an artist.

I also really like this dragon tattoo, but I would never get it because I already know someone else has it.

Hmm.