Samsara

Oh my! Is it already that time of year, when the New Year's LJ posts start rolling in? If the nasty, bitter cold and white-out weather we've had the past few days is any indicator, then yes, yes it is that time.

Last year I didn't state goals so much as themes I wanted to explore and emphasize in 2009. They were Love, Honesty, Expression, and Identity, confidence, and audacity. Did I successfully embody and explore those themes? I think I can safely say YES to that. I made new friends, I did new things, I have discovered who I really am and lived that person's life as she would live it, and I have found the love of my life. What a year! Travel, adventure, love, and, hey, finishing college after 6 god damn years. The year of the Maddie? Possibly. But what will we call next year?

Next year holds some interesting events! Namely: OMGWEDDING. Hee! That will, I'm sure, be one of the main events of 2010 in my life. But I'm going to be brave and, this year, set some personal goals for myself:

Obtain an income. I don't want to say "get a job" because that's not what I want. I want to get published, and whether or not that "realistic" (when have I really concerned myself with "reality"??) I don't care. I am looking for a job only for income between now and publication. It will happen, I know that- it has happened, already, in some metaphysical way that I just need to relax and allow to manifest- now is as good a time as any.

Write The Tower. I realized when I was half-way finished with the first draft of The Hierophant that I needed to write the sequel. I was so passionate about the sequel that I almost put the first draft aside! That would have been a mistake, of course- but I have had some difficulty getting that passion back. Granted, I've been so distracted lately by True Love and finishing school... I think, once things start to balance out and I can get grounded again, I'll get that passion back soon enough. It's going to be a tough book to write in some ways, it's very dark and emotional, but it's going to be a mind-blowing triumph when it's done.

Finish The Poppet and the Lune. Oh TPaL! How I've neglected you so! I should be writing you today, but, then again I should be writing essays for school, too... I love this story so much, and it is so unlike anything else I've written. I think it has a lot of potential for publication because of its originality. My only concern is, I have no idea what to pitch it as. YA? Childrens? Who knows.

Read more. I am ashamed to admit that I don't read much, at least not as much as a writer probably should. A few books a year, perhaps. I can't say it's entirely my own fault- I begin plenty of books, but never finish them because they don't hold my interest. And that's saying a lot- I finished Twilight, and it was terrible, but admittedly it holds your attention. I like to get sucked into a book though, the kind of devouring that makes you want to stay up all night to finish it, or skip class, or something like that. I try to write books like that. My other problem is that I try to read YA to see what other peeps in my genre are doing, and I get enraged because they're terrible, or just jealous because it's okay, there's no reason why they should be published and not me... which brings me to:

Allowing. I want to allow and appreciate the success of others, and myself. Jealousy, indignity, judgement, pride, comparison- these aren't thoughts or emotions that help me. I need to appreciate, not hate. I might write better, or I might not, it doesn't matter. I really need to feel that, though, because all of those emotions show that I don't believe the Universe is going to deliver- that I don't believe I can have, do, or be anything I want. I used the art of allowing to find Jared, in a way. I wasn't trying to find my soul mate, I just knew what I wanted when he did decide to show up, so I wrote it down and allowed it to come into my life. 2 months later I met the love of my life. Now, if I could be so easy about publication...

2010 is going to be the Year of Maddie! Again! Every year is really my year... it just took me 20 or so years to realize that ;D