Samsara

Hmmm. I have been slacking on the updates. I think I've been busy, or something, but I have very little to show for it if I have been. Oh, I remember, I existed within a cloud of rage for a week and a half, dealing with bullshit drama of other people's making in my life :P

It's all good though- every negative experience exists as a lesson, or at the very least an example of contrast so that I know what not to focus my energy on. Yay! (Speaking of the drama, I told the ex we shouldn't be friends. I didn't really expect a response [though I probably should have], but I got one... not sure if I'm going to reply yet.)

I've been having a lot of fun lately, despite the anger issue. Which is mostly gone. I had two nights in a row of really nice and sincere one-on-one conversations, first with Heather, then with Becky. Both at pubs, lol, but they were nice pubs. I went to London this weekend to check out the Portobello Road market with Heather and the girls (I reference Heather specifically because she lives in London on the weekends with her boyfriend Scott, so it was like we were visiting her). Since it was sunny out we headed to Battersea Park and drank wine all afternoon, playing frisbee, and occasionally petting a dog that wanted to sniff our food. When the sun went down we headed back to Scott's friend's apartment, watched some crappy English TV, and headed out to an awesome pub with my new flask in hand (It was the only thing I bought at the market, except for a bunch of huge grapes- seriously, HUGE). We were up/out till about 3 in the morning when we stumbled back to Scott's apartment. That was probably one of the most hedonistic days of my life. Good way to celebrate Spring? I think so.

I don't know, not much going on really... I'm having a lot of introspective moments, but they're all too nebulous to go into really. I love the UK. I miss people (and animals) back home, but I know when I come home I'm going to miss the people and places here, too, and when school starts in the Fall I'm going to hate it. Buffalo has great potential, and I didn't really think I'd ever want to get away from there, but having been away, lived away, even for a little while, I've come to realize just how important it IS to get away from home for a chunk of your life. I think I need to be away longer, to be honest... or just elsewhere. I think I've started something I won't easily be able to turn off. I need to spend more time out in the world, on my own little adventure. Or big adventure. I have a feeling I might end up in Buffalo, ultimately, but there is a long time between now and then.

I'm considering grad school again/still. There's a school in BC that looks decent, but I actually want to look at grad schools over here, too. In what? Well, in BC they have a Creative Studies program that would let me combine creative writing and video. But I might just go somewhere for creative writing. I don't know. The more I work in video, the more I like it, but when I'm away from it for even a little while I begin to wonder if I'm settling. Writing is my first love- my true love. I dream of a life where writing is my very first priority, because it is my career, my income, my art and religion, and my stories are my children. Maybe I'll have a husband, but he'd have to understand... ;) Think of all the time I'd have for research... there are a lot of stories I've let die because I couldn't confront the research necessary to make them happen :(

Anyway, grad school sounds like a good excuse to keep traveling too. Shameless? Yes. But hey, I'd get an MFA out of it, and credit for spending all my time being creative.

Oh, I forgot to add that I found out the quarantine for cats coming to the UK is only 3 weeks, plus you can visit them during the day. So, yeah. Now all I need to make my life perfect is for my friends and family to move to the UK with me...

So... there's some of the inner-workings of my mind lately. Aside from huge things like where I'll be living this time next year, the only other stuff on my mind (that I let stay there) is trying to get a job when I come home, and how best to dress for four days in Morocco at the beginning of April... plus I'm toying with the idea of seeing how hard it is to write and publish a romance novel... I'd like some more spending money ;D