Samsara

I went for a walk today by myself, into the city center/centre to do some writing at a cafe. It was pleasant, even though there was some wet snow on the way there. I also stopped at a used bookstore to look for antique fairy tales for Sarah and Jenn, but all I found was real antiques that I couldn't afford :/

( Some pictures )

At the cafe, I read through Part I of The Poppet and the Lune, the first story arc entitled "A Heart Full of Stitches" (credited to glamourkin ). I am happy with it. I'm going to go through and divide it into smaller chapters, and I am considering doing a web serial. Why you might ask? Well, if I can build an audience it will look good when I finally go to query it. Also, it will force me to write. Also, ever since the conception of this story I had the idea that it should be published as a serial. I might do it as a web serial first, then try to get it into magazines. Who knows.

Does anyone know the deal with copyright and the different blogging sites? Do they own it? Does no one? I thought I'd read somewhere that blogging was as good as publishing... I don't know.

Anyway, I also stopped at a Chinese medicine place at the Westgate Shopping Centre because my bronchial area has been feeling not so great. They gave me some kind of powder to drink like tea... we'll see. I'm assuming this is mostly from the insane adrenaline before I left, and then the fast climate change, and then the sleeplessness and accidental starvation. The tea-ish stuff is actually not too bad. The stuff in my lungs is gross, though.

I actually meditated today, too! That was nice. It was more visualization and path-working than mind-clearing, though. A good time was had by all ;D I have so much free time on my hands here since I only have each class once a week, and can't work. I should probably be writing more, but I should also be seeing more of the city (even though it's really small). I'm working on finding a groove here... in the mean time spontaneity rules the day ;)

Ok, so I'm stalling on the tattoo post, partly because I haven't been able to upload to flickr (my connection at home is "borrowed" so I can't rely on it) and partly because, while I'm okay with explaining the "it" tag, part of me wonders if it's necessary. My brother has been giving me a hard time about this tattoo because he doesn't "get it," but I don't get tattoos for other people, so who cares, right? Of course, if he did completely understand it he might feel very uncomfortable with the images in his head such understanding might evoke.

Anyway...

I had to go to the dentist today. The last time I went, they said I had a cavity that I needed to get filled. I never got it filled. Today, they said "no cavities, yaay!" ;D I win! Or my teeth win?

What else... I had a little psychic journey last night and came up with a theory that might blow my mind if it's true... I also learned on Saturday night that you can make delicious pizza on wraps if you broil it instead of bake it (so the bread part doesn't burn, but the rest of it cooks fast!). I think I might put The Tower on hold and work on The Poppet and the Lune instead...

I know, I know. It sounds bad. It sounds like I'm not confronting the novel. But I just have this feeling like it's not ready. I've been writing novel after novel for so long, I think I could use a break. Not from writing! Just from novels. TPatL is a series of short stories. I can finish the first one, and then see how I feel about The Tower. Yesh? One of the things I must keep in mind while trying to manifest publication and success is that everything comes in its right time. I'm not in a hurry. The Universe has delivered, and it's up to me to align with that reality. If I'm pressuring myself to get a novel done, that's not "being in the flow." I need to love the writing I'm doing, to see it as an act of joy. If I can't do that with the novel now, I think the short story is a good stepping stone.

Besides, holy shit, I'm leaving for Oxford in ONE WEEK :O omgomgomg I hope I meet people on the plane that are going to Brookes, and that they are nice.

Wow...

(end random post!)

Hmm. There's been a lot on my mind lately. First off, Scott and Carin had the baby on Saturday night: Aiden Michael Collins, 5lbs some ounces, 18 inches, 6 weeks premature- but all is well. That's mind-blowing in and of itself, even though I've known she was preggers since September.

Also, there's been drama on my mind in strange ways. I'm not personally offended, though I'm personally involved in it, but it has allowed me to clarify what I really want out of friendship. I've had a rocky time on that dynamic my whole life, in weird ways, just like now. I taught myself early to stop judging people so harshly or jumping to conclusions, or making drama where there is none, and I think that's why it pisses me off even more when people do those things to me. But I don't need to go around proving anything to anyone- as long as I know my intentions are good, all the neigh-sayers can fuck off (pardon my language).

Of course, they say the road to hell is paved with good intentions...

And I'm semi-blocked on The Tower. Little details are holding me back, plus a crazy schedule of family junk and cleaning and holiday stuff. Those are all pathetic excuses, I'm well aware. Tomorrow I will just have to make the god damn time and sit down and restart. Well, I'm keeping the prologue, but restarting chapter 1. Yes.

And, sometimes I get into these weird moods where I think my writing isn't worthwhile because it's just a lot of fantastical bull shit... I always hear people (especially in my family) discussing literature, and it makes me feel like I'm not a real writer or something. I feel commercial. Yeah, I wanna sell my books, but I'm not writing to please an audience... am I? I can't tell. I can't tell if I have any depth in my writing, or if when I say it's the next "Twilight" it really is...

Meh. Life is still awesome. I made a sweet gingerbread house Mt. Olympus with Sarah P. tonight, unofficially winning the contest I had with my family (though no one judged, so there was no real winner, just a lot of people saying they liked ours the best!). Laura and Tad (her kitteh) are moving in tomorrow, which means about a month of adventures await us ;D I played in the snow today for the first time in years! I made a snow angel :)

And I'm making a preemptive new year's resolution to re-discover the inner health nut in me. Does anyone else remember when I worked at Feel Rite and sugar was a curse word in my world? I literally did not eat sugar or sugar substitutes except on holidays and birthdays for years. I still refuse sugar substitutes, unless they're herbal. I used to be so freaking healthy... no wonder my doctor says I've gained 13 pounds since I had mono (though that's not fair, I mean I had mono when I was last weighed). Simple carbohydrates were no where in my diet... I was even a raw foodist for a summer. I used to drink those gross green drinks. I used to drink fresh vegetable juice every freaking day! What happened? I want to get that Maddie back.

Anyway.

It's been a very thoughtful few days.

A nice little tattoo, on my back, over my heart :) I might try to spiff it up a bit with embellishments, but I don't wanna mess it up.

Guess what? I'm going to be submitting query letters for The Hierophant today. And there is one agency doing a "query holiday" in which they're just asking for a cover page and the first chapter/20 pages of your novel (because, like most authors, they see that how well you can write a query letter isn't as important as how well you can write novels). Firebrandliterary.com, check 'em out if you have something ready to submit.

:D

I'm so excited about everything...

I have so much stuff to do this week, it's amazing considering I don't even have a job. And none of it has to do with Christmas, even! I'm done with that- except for one gift for one person, I'm not sure what to get. But Laura is moving in soon, so I have to get this place cleaned up and re-organized (how to squeeze two girls into a one-bedroom apartment...), but it needs to happen anyway. I have too much junk ;p But I guess it's a good thing my cats don't let me sleep in past 7:30 any more cause there is much work to be done in the coming weeks...

OH and Yellow Rose in Formaldehyde screened last night (the movie I helped Max film back in September- I got credit for sound, script supervisor, and grip, lol) and it was fantastic. My parents loved it- though I thought it was a little slow, but that didn't surprise me because Max loves Kubrik. Anyway, I am proud to have my name attached to this film.

Life is good :)

-I finished reading my first draft of The Hierophant last night. ;-; I'm so freakin' excited about this book/series! The ending needs some work, and I still need to figure out where to have Kyla "come out," but other than that it's actually a lot better than I'd anticipated, considering I went into each chapter not knowing what was going to happen next. Ok, actually, no, it's just a really effin' good draft of a really effin' good novel. XD

-I got another mind-blowing CD from my parents about life the universe and everything (essentially) and it's got me high on bliss :D

-I have an exam today at 3:30, then I'm done with UB until summer!

-my mother had a reading with Gretchen (her friend who is a 3rd generation spirit medium/clairvoyant) and, being my mother, she asked about me, and, among several other awesome things, Gretchen said "Maddie does best when she listens to herself. Tell her to do that more." It's weird, because I've done that more and more the last few months, and I don't know if I needed the instruction to keep doing it, but OK! Feed my arrogance ;D

-Life is good!

I got the rough drafts of Midnight Estates and The Hierophant printed at Kinko's today (I actually got a free extra copy of ME because they printed the first one wrong! Maybe I'll let someone read it, even though it's missing a bazillion scenes), and boy do I feel accomplished. I'm actually really excited to read through The Hierophant- just flipping through a few pages, and glancing at the writing while I did spell check during sound class this morning, made me remember how much fun it was to write that draft. I loved it then. I think I'm falling back in love with it. Yay for that!

Any hoo- just sayin'.

Now, I am getting off the internet and starting "The Poppet and the Lune," and yes I've decided to write it as a serial fairy tale. If I can.

Wish me luck!

(The subject is a line of dialogue from my NaNo: Tristan to Zelda. :D)

I didn't write yesterday, but that's okay because I wrote over 10k on Saturday. And I am going to write like a demon tonight! Zelda's perspective is coming to an end I think, and I'd like to start Tristan's by the end of the night. Yay for avoiding writing awkward sex scenes!

I have a few ideas for short videos I want to make now that I have my camera back in working order. It's a decent camera, not the best, but it will do for what I have in mind: some pixelation; maybe an object animation or two; possibly a "holiday" short. I'm gonna get my hands on the student version of iStopmotion express and have a ball this winter on my almost 2 month break (Brookes doesn't start till January 29! Though, I hope the group flight leaves at the beginning of that week so we have time to settle in... in OXFORD XD). A new computer is in negotiations with my parents and my next three or four birthdays, so that means I'll actually be able to run Final Cut and iStopmotion- huzzah!

Um, what else. Oh, I submitted a short story to the Writer's Digest SS contest this morning, for the hell of it. It's not technically fiction, it's about the moment I realized my cat was dead forever. 401 words. Yay?

That's all for today.

Oh, yeah, if there is anyone who is good with dreamweaver, I can't for the life of me remember how to upload things to servers or whatever... help?

I am going to make 25 either today or tomorrow morning. My new goal is not to hit 50k by the end of the month (because I'm fairly certain I will, no problem, by the end of week 2) but to finish the entire draft. I write long stories- not short; not novellas; long. Two of the three novels I've written, 50k would only be slightly more than a third of the way through. I don't see this one going quite that long, but still. If I can finish the draft by the end of the month, I will consider myself a winner this year for NaNoWriMo.

Now, before any of you get the classic November "I hate you, but not really" response going, just remember that I have been consciously working (very hard, might I add) at unblocking myself as an artist, specifically as a writer, for over four years now. I went through hell and back to get to the point I'm at now, where words are flowing fairly steadily, and with enough confidence to keep me from going back and deleting them all. And I still get stuck- I still doubt my ability. But I persevere, because I know that artists- writers especially- are absolutely insane, and have no grip on reality when it comes to their own work and how good it is.

So.

Every moment I find myself in the middle of spilling words onto a page, happily or not, I am more grateful than you can imagine to be caught in that flow. I am grateful for NaNoWriMo, for The Artist's Way, for Sacred Thursdays, and for every kind word you have all said about my work. And I think, really, that is the key- that is why I have been so happy these past 3+ months, and so able to confront my writing: because I am literally living a life of gratitude, and through that perspective, everything looks a little bit (or a lot) like magic.

Thanks. :)

That's almost cool enough to be a tattoo...

So, I am officially having only one problem with this NaNo novel: it's in the past tense, and "The Hierophant" was written in present, so everything sounds awkward to me even when it probably shouldn't. But, aside from that, it's coming along swiftly and swimmingly!

The characters are unfolding before my eyes- the purpose and plot, too. I really went into this with three ideas: "Tristan und Isolde," werewolves, and the Midnight Estates luxury development in Clarence, NY. I am dead serious when I say writing is like magic- fiction, anyway- because I think I write the best stuff when I don't know what I'm about to write. The Universe takes the reigns, and suddenly my fingers are flying and words are spilling onto the page in glorious cadence and timber...

Mmm.

I'm super excited for this novel!

And for our next President!

And for Oxford!

Yaaaaaaaay!

Hmmm. Where to begin about how amazing this holiday weekend was...

( Halloween! )

( NaNoWriMo Day 1 / Samhain / All Saints Day :P )


( Dia de los Muertos / Writing! )

There's too much crap to do this week, and not enough time to just sit down and write. But I'll get it all done.

I'm so close to finishing another novel. Well, a draft, but still.

XD